


Daredevil

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-23
Updated: 2007-07-23
Packaged: 2019-01-19 06:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12405069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: ‘I think you're feeling a bit of a daredevil. You fancy stepping into Sirius's shoes.’ Remus Lupin: the lost Marauder.





	Daredevil

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

_‘I think you're feeling a bit of a daredevil. You fancy stepping into Sirius's shoes.’_

A wave of hot, syrupy anger washes over you. Who is Harry Potter, to break your heart?

As you lie awake, feeling the two hearts beating beside you, you cannot get Harry’s words out of your head. _Stepping into Sirius’ shoes._

James was the same, and, of course, they are so alike. You know, more than anyone, the beating heart and heat of almost-tears when Harry walks into the room. It’s like forgetting to do something really, really important, and the horrible tumble down to earth when you remember it: every time you see him. Because for that split-second James is alive, and he’s larger than life. And then the flash of green eyes, the angry scar – and the illusion is lost.

A feeling of defiance creeps up within you. Perhaps you do want to step into Sirius’ shoes. What is so wrong with that, Harry Potter: for Sirius stepped so seamlessly into James’.

And it’s _that_ , a gnawing feeling of guilt tells you, that hurts so much.

It was that smile that used to adorn Harry’s face when he saw Sirius. It was his wide arms, spread-eagled in his dog-like embrace. It was the laughter that they shared, and it was Prongs and Padfoot once more. It was the soft conversations late at night. It was the grins and the winks. It was the secrets confided and problems shared or halved. It was the thousand times that Harry reminded people that Sirius was the _closest thing I’ve got to a family._

It was the way that Harry called Sirius when something went wrong. It was the way only Sirius could help when he was upset. It was the way Sirius calmed him, was his voice of reason. It was the way Sirius showed him pictures of James, regaled him with tales of Lily. It was the way Harry kept the photograph of the wedding: the one with Lily, and James – and Sirius. It was the way he ran to save him in the Department of Mysteries.

It’s that you know that Harry mourned for Sirius far more than he will ever mourn for you.

There’s another feeling of guilt. The most terrible guilt. You can recall, you _do_ recall, though it hurts, the leap of joy that night in the Shrieking Shack. Joy, not at discovering Sirius’ innocence, but at finding that you, finally, had another Marauder to laugh with. And, you force yourself to remember, joy at having a Marauder all to yourself. Padfoot and Prongs were a thing of the past. You would no longer be the odd Marauder; you would no longer be the last Marauder.

But that night you caught sight of Harry’s Patronus and remembered, by way of a heart wrenching tightening of your throat, that Prongs rode yet. And even as you watched, from afar, Sirius and Harry connected like lightening and you knew, you knew, you’d lost once more.

It’s that you’ll never have that closeness, that friendship. It’s that you’ll never have what Sirius had with James and what you wanted with anyone.

It’s that Harry won’t have you with him on his adventure, and you know he would’ve wanted Sirius. It’s that you know he loved Sirius.

Even with this James, you are always second best. 


End file.
